When we eat we must have time to digest. This gives our body time to break down the important ingredients of the food, take out what is needed and get rid of the rest.
We need the same time for relationships; we need time to digest.
In our crazed world, every fleeting feeling, every ephemeral emotion grabs our minds and sends us reeling. We believe every emotion as though it were the only thing we feel or have ever felt.
Because we take no time to digest our own feelings, we lurch from emotion to emotion.
Here's a very good way to get off that roller coaster of emotional illusion and stay steady.
Take time to digest emotions. When you meet someone new, do not believe the first, second or even third feeling you have regarding this person. Take time to digest the first, second, third meeting and then take time to digest more about your new friend.
When you are already with a significant partner or when you spend time with your best buddy, take time to digest what has happened. Even twenty minutes spent reflecting on the small moments, what your best friend said or did that spiced up your time together brings your attention to that person's special strengths.
Next, when you have digested this speak it: give your friend verbal pats on the back with this new specific information, such as "I really enjoy this about you" or "One of the ways you really handle our friendship well is..." Word the praise in your own language, but do give the praise.
Every person grows with praise, and grows most in the direction you praise them most.
You will understand this direction most clearly when you give time to reflect on relationships.