With the holidays quickly coming, try something new.
Try thinking of language as food.

You have prepared certain foods for your family, some repeat recipes and perhaps one or two new ones.
You may have arranged for guests to bring some food also. You know what each guest is bringing.
You wouldn't leave the menu to chance or to eveyone's whim. Your brother may love hotdogs and only hotdogs, but you suggest he bring some salad so everyone is served by his food.
Language and stories are the same.
Your mother may have a favorite story that sets your teeth into perma-grind. It may be something about one of your many ways of disappointing her.
Alright. You know ahead of time she is likely to bring this dish. Have a remedy ready!
Think of a story that counters the one story she is likely to offer.
Change how you respond. Let her talk and when she is finished, simply begin with your story. Prepare your story, as you would a good meal, in advance.
Highlight the things you have done well and how you have, for example, taken good care of her.
When she offers her dish, you let everyone have a taste, then you offer something sweet. Usually with positive stories, everyone is nourished.
Try this new "recipe for relationship". See what the results are